PRspeak-to-English Translator of the Adobe-Macromedia Merger FAQ

Heh. Here’s the whole thing.

A few excerpts:

Question: What is the mission of the combined company?
Answer: “Adobe’s mission remains the same — to help people and businesses communicate better. With the acquisition of Macromedia, Adobe strengthens its mission through the combination of leading-edge development, authoring and collaboration tools — and the complementary functionality of PDF and Flash.”

Translated Answer: “Where by ‘complementary’ we mean ‘the two leading technologies that irritate people when they’re used in lieu of regular web pages.’ Note that we’re using PDF to serve this very FAQ — in our synergistic future, perhaps we’ll serve our FAQs in a hybrid PDF/Flash format. One can dream.”

Question: How many employees does Macromedia have?
Answer: “Macromedia has approximately 1,450 employees worldwide.”

Translated answer: “Please note use of present tense.”

Question: How many employees does Adobe have?
Answer: “Adobe has approximately 4,000 employees worldwide.”

Translated answer: “Ditto regarding use of present tense. Please also note that PDF is an excellent format for sending out résumés.”

Read the whole thing. (hat tip: john)